It's Not Over Until Someone Fat Sings

I am a hodge podge of emotions.

I really don't know how to feel now that I am so near this pivotal moment in my life. I have been dreaming for this day to arrive since I first walked into the lobby of my college, strolled through the corridors of our partner hospital before dawn, and traversed paths in unfamiliar places just to talk to complete strangers.

It just feels so unreal to me now that this day has finally, finally arrived. Well, arriving in two days to be exact.

I honestly feel lost, excited, and unhappy at the same time.

Lost, because after all this is over, what then? What path do I take after four grueling years of learning to become a health care professional? There are so many paths to choose from, but none are promising enough to pursue. Actually, none provide the assurance of a job considering the apparent surplus of nurses. This job insecurity is quite taxing to think about and I have spent many days and nights worrying about which career path to go for when all this ends.

Excited, because finally I don't have to put up with sneers and disapproving tsk tsk tsks whenever I do a slightly mediocre version of the ideal. No more late nights of typing and writing and thinking up care plans that will only be rejected in the morning. No more crying over professors who may or may not give you a passing grade. No more waking up before the sun rises and going home long after the sun has set. No more high expectations and inevitable disappointments in terms of performance. No more falling asleep anywhere and everywhere due to extreme exhaustion.

I guess I'm a little excited too about going out into the world and taking adventures. It must feel great to have plenty of time to do the things you want to do and not worry about school requirements, but it is still a little scary to not have a direction in life.

Lastly, unhappy, primarily because of all the people I'll miss when I leave this institution. I'll be missing my barkada who has been with me through thick and thin, my groupmates who helped me pull through mentally and physically draining hospital and community duties, my mentors who had and still have the utmost patience to teach and discipline me, and the place itself that holds so many memories for me.

I really don't know how to end this post maybe because I partly want (but don't want) this whole thing to end. But the real challenge is out there, in the real world, and we can't help but eventually be exposed to test how much we've learned for four years. The future holds so much for us and we need to take a step out there to experience it in full. We do not know what will become of us, but I am sure that with faith and perseverance, we can reach our full potential and be whoever and whatever we want to become.