I don't need anyone else but You!

I miss God's presence.

Going to my first ever retreat was truly a life-altering experience for me. It was the first time I ever felt so loved after too many disappointments and heartbreak. For the first time in my life, I didn't need anyone but God Himself to make me feel whole and at peace. I almost didn't want to go back to reality after those three days of pure joy and worship. But the real world is where the tests are to strengthen your character and your faith. I admit that I still have a lot learning to do, but I'm pretty resilient in my belief that God is all powerful and that I just need to have faith in Jesus to be saved.

The reason why I said I missed His presence is because I get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of my future profession. Studying takes up too much of my time that I have barely enough left for food and sleep. I shudder when I remember Pastor Peter's words that we only make time for the important things. Indirectly saying, if God is important to you, you make time to be with Him each day, which I find really difficult.

When I was at the retreat last year, God's presence was so powerful that I cried each time I felt it. It was so overwhelming but in a great way that you can't help but believe that He really does exist and loves you more than anything in the world. It's a feeling that's hard to describe but once you feel it, you will never ever forget it. And you will yearn for it like air and water.

Maybe that's why I'm craving so much for it now. My life has pretty much dwindled back to its usual routine pre-retreat and it sucks. I feel pigeonholed to mundane activities and I hunger for His presence once again. I try my best to fit my quiet times into my busy day just so I could reflect and pray, but it's too difficult! I should not have chosen a profession and school that sucks time and life out of you. But I was taught to finish what I started and do my best so here I am, struggling to keep up with the world and with my growth with God. I miss the feeling of love and power that the Holy Spirit brings.

My conclusion: Spend more time with God and less time preparing for my stupid chosen career. It is NOT more important that my relationship with my Father and my salvation. Hence, less time should be spent with working on papers and more quiet time with God. I'm pretty sure He will work His magic when I end up not being able to complete my requirements for the next day. Hahaha. Out!