Director's Cut

It's been weeks since I've been depressed about you. Ha! Talk about will power. :)) I've noticed this before but I didn't want to jinx it. He was right again. Don't celebrate just yet. Because every time I take notice that I'm doing well, there I go again just falling off and forgetting to get back up.

It's been a long time since I talked to you. I really don't know if I should. I mean, if it were any other friend I won't bother thinking about it because I'm not really a share-everything-that's-happening-to-me-to-all-my-friends kind of person, but come on, it's you. I have a feeling this will become another issue. Me and my assumptions. Almost always right and always causing trouble. Figured I'll talk to you when the opportunity presents itself. I don't have to plan these things. Heh.

I think I'm okay now with the you falling for someone else, because I wanted this in the first place, us breaking up. Didn't think you'll fall out so fast but what can we do? We are slaves to our emotions. I sometimes feel like I don't know you anymore. Nope. I know I don't know you anymore. Something about you has changed. I know you'll never admit but I know you have. I just can't say for sure if it's for the better. I hope it is.

Maybe the reason why I have stayed so strong in all this is because I was given hope and faith. Hope that someday I will find my God's best and faith that I made the right call. I mean, I could have easily given in and run straight back into your arms or went out and picked up a random man to make me happy but it'll never last for two reasons. One, my conscience would never let me sleep knowing that I am using a man to hold my broken heart together. Two, I just can't take another heartbreak. That's why I promised myself and God that the next boyfriend I have will be my last. He'll also be the One.

This will be my first and last post of anything about you. I am moving on. I'm warning people that what I'm about to say is kind of a cliche but true nonetheless, and that this isn't just a bitter ex-girlfriend saying things she doesn't mean to make herself feel better. Okay, here goes.

I hope you are happy. From the beginning I've wanted nothing but your happiness. That's why I've taken such good care of you, because nothing seems to go right in your life and you always find reasons to be miserable. I have been trying my best to fill gaps in your life when all along I wasn't enough. You needed other people and other things (Yes, I am talking about God) to fill that void in your heart you so long to fill up. You may think that I'm selfish now for leaving you,  but you will thank me in the future for giving you a chance to find your One. I've always been the one who could see the bigger picture and soon you'll understand that. My decision to leave was not a spur of the moment thing (it took all my strength to not take it back), it was grace from God. You have to believe that I loved you so much, it hurts. Every. single. day. But I believe in better things, for the both of us. Things will be okay, I know it. And I'll always, always be here for you no matter what. I'm not one to forget special people and memories, so trust that I won't forget how much you meant to me. So for the last time my dear, I love you and goodbye. :)