To Med or Not to Med?

Everyone seems way too excited for me to take up medicine. Me? I'm feeling a little...iffy. What, that's a word!

Studying in UP has been a draining and tiring life experience (I know I haven't graduated yet, but people will agree with me that it sucks the life out of you), and for my sanity I don't think I can take the pressures of staying in school for five or so more years. Isn't it about time I left school and experienced the real world?

But part of me is scared. Scared to live in the real world. Scared to face the realities outside of school. I mean, I have to work and earn for my family after I graduate. I will be facing different kinds of people from different places. I will be worrying about finances and a place to live and all the other stuff you worry about when you become an adult. As tough as school is for me, I don't think I want to leave just yet. But I don't want to pursue medicine.

Or do I?

I told myself from the very beginning that I will not pursue medicine after I graduate from nursing. I told myself it would be for the pride of my college and for nurses everywhere. But lately I have been feeling incompetent. Theoretically, I can pass for a good enough nurse, but being in the field is different. It makes me feel less than what I think of myself, what I am, what I can do. Does that mean nursing isn't the profession for me? But quitting is not an option. I can't imagine doing anything else but a medical-related occupation.

I told myself taking up medicine is not for me. I don't know if it's the people around me who keep on pushing me to take up medicine or the nagging thought of what could be, but now medicine isn't such a bad idea. It's not about me being a smart person, it's about me being hard-working enough. I think I can suck it up and dive my nose into more books if I have to. But no one's forcing me to take up medicine, I'd only be doing this for myself, which is the least motivating factor in my decision. It's been a long time since I did something for myself.

Bottom line, I DO NOT KNOW IF I SHOULD TAKE UP MEDICINE.

Oh, this is tough. I think I'll leave it up to fate. No, to God. He will make this decision for me. He knows me better than anyone and can put me wherever He knows I'll do best. I've learned to stop worrying since that fateful day. I will not start again now.

To med or not to med?

I may not be able to answer this question now, but I have until February to make up my mind or for God to bless me with His decision. But one thing is for sure, wherever God directs me, there I shall go. And do my best for His glory. :)